I can think of two distinct – put a flag in the ground – sort of moments when God revealed the depths of His love for me. I’ll never forget those moments in time. They became reference points for me. And from those re-set moments, I walked along the path of faith and belief that I was someone God loved and wanted to use for His glory. And over time, my life-choices reflected my deep belief in the love of Christ.
If you’ve heard me speak, you already know about these two moments, so it’s okay if you yawn or take a nap while I share one of them here.
The first real tangible expression of God’s love came to me through my husband. I don’t have time to give you all of the back story that makes this moment so significant to me, but let me just say, it was a rock-my-world kind of moment. I had just come off of 6 months of bed rest (everybody and their brother took turns watching our two young children and making meals for us). This time of vulnerable need confronted every insecure bone in my body. I couldn’t wait to be functional again and not feel so exposed.
But life took a different turn for me. I was unknowingly bit by a deer tick during my pregnancy. So, sickness overlapped bed rest and I was to spend many more months in bed, or on the couch, or on the floor. When I couldn’t take it anymore, through fits of sobs and tears, I begged my husband to divorce me. I couldn’t bear to see what a ‘debt’ I had become to the family and I was only in my twenties! I begged him to marry someone who loved Jesus, who was feisty in her faith, and who would get on the ground and play with our boys. I didn’t want him to exhaust himself anymore on my behalf. I absolutely couldn’t bear to see the fatigue in his eyes.
During my hiccuped sobs and unreasonable requests, my husband stopped me in my tracks and said these words to me with a firm resolve (as if to say, I’m not going anywhere and neither are you): “You listen to me. You are my bride and you always will be. And if I have to kneel down to kiss you because you’re in a wheelchair, then that’s what I’ll do. You need to stop saying such things.”
At that moment, I saw the face of Christ in my husband. I understood on a much deeper level that we are not ‘what we do,’ we are simply someone He loves.
Say it to yourself every day. He loves me! He loves me! He loves me! I don’t have to earn this love. I don’t have to perform for this love. I just need to live in response to this love. Oh, Lord, help me embrace it, believe it, and live differently because of it. Thank you for loving me!’
You are everything to Him! So tell me, how have you grasped God’s deep and infinite love for you?
This really was perfect for me. I was about to say a prayer since there’s been some things that have happened and I’m fasting for the man of my life. I don’t want to feel that I need to perform for a man who just doesn’t feel what I want him to feel because I know he’s the man that God has picked. Only God can do it!
One Sunday, while in Los Angeles visiting my daughter, helping her get situated since her move there, I had written on my hand “bike” and thought I’d look online for local bicycles for sale for my daughter to ride to work (as she’d already worn out two cars there, their traffic and driving IS “horrible” to put it mildly!) We then went to a nearby church for services. While at the service, I was thinking again of getting her a bicycle that she could ride to work, if needed and had written it on the church bulletin so I wouldn’t forget to look when we got home. I didn’t want to tell her since I didn’t want her to get excited if I couldn’t follow through, so I kept it to myself. (I hadn’t EVEN prayed about it yet)
While driving home, I saw a “sidewalk” sale, (akin to a garage sale) and there was a bicycle for sale, a girl’s bike which I thought would be better for her, also it was a ‘Bianchi’ bicycle similar to the one I have at home, worth hundreds of $$!. So, I told her and her bf that I was going to stop and have a look at the sale. They said, “okay” . . .so, I went to look and saw that it was in great shape, then asked how much he was asking for the bike? He said, “$100, but would take $60”. So, I went back to the car to tell/ask my daughter . . .then she was excited and asked if they could come to look and I said, “absolutely”! So, she came to look and rode it around a bit and definitely wanted it! So, I told the guy “we wanted to buy it”! but would have to go get cash at the store atm and then would be back in 10-15 minutes. So, he took my name & number and would hold the bike for us. So, long story short, God answered something . . . I hadn’t EVEN prayed about BUT He knew my thoughts. 😭 Praise Be To God . . He IS an Awesome God!!!
In the first few months of our marriage my bride and I hit an issue, and she mentioned divorce. We’ve called it the ‘d’ word since then because we made it illegal in our household! Seriously, we can hardly say the word.
May I encourage everyone to keep following Jesus through the dark valleys. “Suffering is a shortcut to intimacy.” After 50 years of walking with Jesus, I am overwhelmed to tears almost every day because of his great, great love for me. That’s his goal, isn’t it, to help us learn and know how much he loves us?