Highlight: Is your bedroom a sanctuary?

How can a married couple make their bedroom a sanctuary and why is it so important?

Dr. Greg Smalley says that one of the best ways couples can do this is by making their bedroom a safe place that is void of anger, frustration, and conflict.

“That doesn’t mean you have to resolve conflicts, before you actually go to sleep.”

Greg suggests that couples make boundaries for their bedroom. For instance, a couple could make a boundary that doesn’t allow for tough conversations to be had, in bed, after a certain hour of the evening.

“Past nine o’clock, we’re not going to get into those really hard-core, serious conversations.”

It’s not about avoiding conflict, it’s about postponing it for a period of time and maintaining the safety of the bedroom.

“There’s got to be a way in which we protect our relationship and those kinds of conversations late at night normally don’t go well.”

It is important for couples to not only guard their bedroom, but also guard their sleep, because sleep influences everything else.

“If we get into an argument before bed, I sleep so poorly. I toss and turn. I believe that’s when Satan is attacking. He’s like that lion, he’s looking for the injured, isolated, and he knows that when I’m mad at my wife or I’m hurt by my wife with my heart shut down, I’m in a tough spot and he goes after me.”

It’s so important for couples to not give Satan a foothold in their marriage by insisting on having the tough conversations at the wrong times.

“Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another. Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil.” Ephesians 4:25-27


Dr. Greg Smalley serves as executive director of Marriage and Family Formation at Focus on the Family.  In this role, he develops and oversees initiatives that prepare individuals for marriage, strengthen and nurture existing marriages and help couples in marital crises. He is the author of eleven books including The DNA of Relationships, and The Wholehearted Marriage: Fully Engaging Your Most Important Relationship.

Key Scripture: Ephesians 4:25-27

Featured Songs: Redeemed – Big Daddy Weave; Oxygen – Lincoln Brewster; Take Another Step – Steven Curtis Chapman

Sleep your way to a better marriage

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